Certified business coach, Annie Kirschenmann, writes about the power of smiles. A baby's smile is like a reward for a job well done. Smiles mean a baby is comfortable and cared for, she said.
According to Annie:
Every proud parent knows the exhilarating instant I am about to describe:
You have been wondering. . ."Is she really looking at me? Is he curling his lips because of gas?” Then - the magic moment when there is no doubt – you know your precious infant recognizes YOU.
Exactly how do you know? While gazing with focus right into your eyes. . .she smiles.
In The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant, psychologist Margret Mahler describes it this way, “. . .(the infant’s) smile gradually becomes the specific, preferential smiling response to the mother, which is the crucial sign that a specific bond between the infant and his mother has been established.” (Italics are Mahler’s).
Thus the first relationship is born. I love that we, as human beings, announce our arrival in the interpersonal world with a smile. It is one of our first – and most primal – communications. It says we are safe, cared for and accepted. In a smile, the baby is expressing and receiving a “pre-verbal” communication – before he has the words to name what is happening. And so pleasurable is the activity she will actively seek to smile and be smiled at – often.
This means smiling is rooted deeply within each of us. Because of its social origins, the smile is so basic to our communication structure that we can become anxious when this signal is absent in those around us. Smiling can reduce stress – in both the smiler and the receiver. Research also indicates that you can improve your attitude by the simple act of putting your face muscles into a smiling position. It can also have a positive impact on our vital signs.
Of course, all this makes smiling powerful stuff! (And these data points are only the tip of the iceberg – there is much, much more going on in that simple facial movement.) But back to you and your kids. Armed with this little bit of information, you can make some choices about enhancing your relationship with a smile.
A friend I hadn’t seen in several years had become a father in the intervening time. I asked how he liked being a Dad. He said, “Oh, my stomach hurts.” (!) My look of curiosity must have been compelling, because after a pause he continued, “I am laughing all the time!” This did not surprise me. You see, kids smile / laugh naturally and frequently. Adults? Not so much. In fact, children laugh over four hundred times in a day -- compared with the adult average of 15 per day. Ouch.
So parents and caretakers, you might be a bit out of practice! Fortunately, kids are experts. Start by making a choice to really observe her. When she smiles, look directly into her eyes and smile back. Often. Make a point of initiating a smile toward your little loved one. Often. Not only will you strengthen your relationship with him; as a side benefit, you are going to feel better and be healthier yourself.
The first language for all of us is non-verbal. For a while it is the only communication your baby has and she is speaking volumes all the time. So are you. Further, this powerful non-language exchange is shaping her experience and sense of self. More on this in my next blog -- I See You See Me.
Annie Kirschenmann is a board certified Dance/Movement Therapist and a non-verbal communication expert; a Nationally Certified Counselor; and a Certified Corporate Business Coach. She holds her M.S. from Hunter College (NY) and her BA from Macalester College (St. Paul). Annie’s award winning master’s thesis is on the therapeutic benefits of smiling, laughter and humor. She is the owner and lead coach/consultant for A.K. Coach and Company (AKACoachAndCompany.com). She can be reached by email at: Annie@AKACoachAndCompany.com
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